


You're Still You

by mizz_apple



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-18 22:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8178500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizz_apple/pseuds/mizz_apple
Summary: Eyes meet eyes and heart follows ...
What will happen if what we see it's not quite the same as before? 
Shall we continue to move, hesitate or even stop?
In Kihyun's eyes, Hyunwoo is perfect. Vice versa. What else to say? They fell in love with each other deeply. They shared their perfection and imperfection. Tears and fears, hopes and dreams, bitterness and sweetness of life, and all that they could possibly give.
Until one day, one unexpected day happened that would make them stop for a while and decide wether it is time to stop or keep moving.





	1. You

Kihyun was awaken by the sound of his alarm. He was startled for a second and groaned. His body is aching and his head felt no better. Last night was hectic and exhausting. He slept only for three hours.

He forced himself to get up after a bit of turning and tossing around his bed. He looked around and stretched his body before finally stepping into wooden floor. He stopped for a while, checking the weather outside through his bedroom window and smiled unconsciously. The sky was clear and fresh. It was such a nice weather to start his day. The thought of meeting his beloved made his heart swelled with happiness despite his not-so-fit condition due to lack of sleep. He hummed a sweet tone while entering the bathroom after taking a clean towel from his closet. 

After taking his time in the bathroom, he picked his clothes carefully. He was a neat type of guy with a simple taste in fashion. His everyday clothes consist of jeans, T-shirt or plaid, jacket or hoodie and sneakers. He only put so much effort in fashion on special occasion or on a mission -- date mission or some kind of that. Today, he felt like wearing a fresh and bright color clothes though he hesitated a bit because his beloved would look at him in a playful smirk and probably non-stop teasing comments until he whined and frowned in a cute way to make him stop. Kihyun smiled and decided that it was worth it. He loved how his beloved teased him anyway. He never complains because he knew that non-stop teasing is one of unique ways of his beloved expressed his feeling towards him. His beloved rarely showed emotional expression. He mostly only answered if anyone took a chance to ask. He would start conversation only when he was interested or intrigued by something or someone. But he mostly looked drowned in his own thoughts. He was calm and collected, laid back and independent. He hated clingy relationship and heavy emotion since he is a free soul inside. He is a strong man who hid so many things behind his genuine smile. The smile that intrigued Kihyun at first after he saw him still smiling when he was betrayed by his previous girlfriend (Kihyun is his first boyfriend after the betrayal). Or when he was rejected by a company after company after sending many job applications. Or when he got injured in his legs during dance practice (yes, his beloved was a talented man with no-joke dancing skill). Or when his bestfriend died on an accident. He hid all those sadness and bitterness behind his lovely smile. 

Kihyun once asked about why he didn't let himself show his emotion. he simply answered, " I don't know, Kihyun-ah. I just feel awkward of my own feelings. Funny huh? It's bothering me when I find myself being in a hurtful or unexpected situation. I don't know how to react. Seriously ... sometimes I even wonder if I am really a robot myself or a clone." The last sentence was replied by a light smack on his bulky arm by Kihyun.

After getting done with his clothes (soft pink shirt and navy ripped jeans with white sneakers), he prepared his breakfast quickly and ate it. After that, he took a backpack full with clothes which he prepared last night and checked his apartment to make sure he locked and left everything intact before leaving his apartment.

On his way to meet his beloved, he stopped in a bakery and bought cheesecakes. And he stopped again at a florist to buy a bucket of fresh white and red chrysanthemums. 

30 minutes later.

" Has he waken up?" Kihyun asks quietly to a woman who is changing bedsheet and cleaning the room.

The woman first looked startled but after recognizing his face, she smiled. " He has, Mr. Yoo. He is in the garden with Jooheon. He said he wanted to take a walk a bit." 

"Oh. Okey, thank you. I will put this for a while" Kihyun showed his flower bucket to the woman with his smile.

The woman nodded. " I have finished cleaning, Mr. Yoo. I will leave you then." She bowed a little and followed by Kihyun and then she left.

Kihyun took his time to arrange the new flowers replacing the old ones. He took the flowers one by one and without averting his gaze, his mind started to wander. This place has been his second home. He needed to make this as comfortable as possible for him and for his beloved. If he could choose, he would never come to this place. But things happened. 

He stopped his mind from getting further in his thoughts and started to clean the remaining old flowers and threw them in a garbage can. He put the cheesecakes which are still inside the box in a small table near the bed. He took out fresh and clean clothes out of his backpack and arranged them in a small cabinet in the room. Satisfied, he checked himself in the mirror in the bathroom. 

Kihyun had always liked his face. He knew he is an attractive guy though some friends of him always teased him and said he was too over confident. He has a slender figure or petite (he prefers that way) with smooth fair skin. He naturally has black hair just like natural koreans until his adventure side took over and he ended up in chestnut brown hair color. He has small almond shapped eyes, pointy nose and lovely thin lips. He mostly felt confident in his bright and cute smile which is accompanied by his dimples. The same smile that captured his beloved's eyes first time he saw Kihyun. 

Kihyun smiled at the memory of him and his beloved. But when he saw his reflection in the mirror, his smile disappeared. Instead of smile, he found out his tears running softly from his eyes and blurred his vision. He took a breath and wiped his tears. He fixed his hair and clothes. He relaxed his facial muscles by smiling. 

And then he left the room and went out to seek his beloved. On his way to the garden, he saw a woman craddled her newborn baby. His husband stroked the baby's head gently and smiled to his wife. Kihyun sighed. He was not a softie. Yes, his appearance might a bit soft or feminine but for those who knew him well, they knew that Kihyun was opposite of that. He was a fierce and fiery person who has a strong determination when it comes about his goal. He rarely showed his affectionate side or weakness to others whom he has just met. He opened up a bit after he trusted the person. He showed more affectionate side when he truly cared for a person. So, lovey dovey thing isn't his trait. That's what made him a perfect pair for his beloved who has similar trait with him. For those similarities between him and his beloved, he found that he didn't even have to say things. His beloved seemed to know his thought and vice versa. They are not lovey dovey couple. They also don't like to show affection in public. Some of their friends ever witnessed them dating in the side of Han River. Just sat together with warm drinks and watched the sunset. No holding hands or cute expression. They said that Kihyun and his beloved looked like old couple. Just sat in silence. What they didn't see was the warm glance and comfortable air between him and his beloved. He loved just being with his beloved. He loved him no matter what.

Kihyun walked past doctors and nurses. He smiled to some of them until he arrived in his destination. 

The hospital's garden was a wide garden with big trees and many kinds of flowers. Spring has bestowed his beauty on this garden with colorful flowers which blossomed beautifully. Decorated pavements were laid to add more attraction to this garden. Benches, lamp posts and stone tables were scattered around the garden to complete the attraction. 

Kihyun began to search. His eyes unwaveringly looked to the right, to the left, in front and back. A little further, he saw a man of a wheelchair. He didn't need to look at his front because he could automatically recognize his beautiful broad shoulder. A dark brown haired man with medium height and medium built pushed the wheelchair gently and slowly. His name was Jooheon. He was a nurse in this hospital, in charge of taking care of Son Hyunwoo -- Kihyun's beloved. 

"Hyunwoo .." Kihyun sighed. He wanted to get closer to them but seeing him in a peaceful state made him hesitated a bit. 

Kihyun watched Hyunwoo stared blankly to the sky. His calm face looked in peace from the side. Kihyun watched in longing and suddenly every emotion swept him at the moment. His tears started to roll down as he watched his Hyunwoo. His heart sank a bit and he felt that his legs lost a bit of his strength. How can he be so peaceful after all that happened? How can he be so beautiful in his state? Kihyun admired his boyfriend so much. He knew he never felt like this before to any of his previous girlfriends or boyfriends. He fell in love with them, yes, but what he felt for Hyunwoo was on a different level. He didn't know how Hyunwoo truly felt about him. He knew Hyunwoo loved him but was it on the same level as what Kihyun felt, he didn't know. To Kihyun, Hyunwoo is everything. He didn't tell the latter about that but that is the truth. He was scared to let Hyunwoo knew how much he meant for Kihyun. He kept it deep inside his heart.

And now, after the "hurricane", was he able to tell him? Or, will he just give it all up and run away because it is too much for him?

Kihyun wiped his tears. He mustered his strength or what was left on him, to walk closer to Hyunwoo and Jooheon...

 

TBC


	2. Still You

" Hyunwoo .." Kihyun called his beloved lovingly while he walked towards the man.

Hyunwoo, a little startled, glanced over to his side, to find Kihyun smiled widely.

" Kihyun-ah ..." Hyunwoo smiled softly. Kihyun is always able to make his heart beats faster no matter how many times they were together. His little man always made him feel completed, just sat or laid by his side. He wondered what charm did Kihyun spell on him to ever felt that way. He is a dream partner in Hyunwoo's eyes. He has flaws, yes, who doesn't? But those flaws made him even irresistible. 

The flaw that he could appear as super confident and haughty boy. Only Hyunwoo who new that sometimes his boyfriend just felt afraid of what people might think of him. He hid his weakness through his tough exterior. Yet, only with Hyunwoo that he could be all who he was without being afraid to be judged. Even if Hyunwoo would judge him, Hyunwoo was sure that Kihyun knew it would be a fair opinion because Hyunwoo could see what lies beyond.

Hyunwoo sighed. He was always weak when it comes about Kihyun. He didn't want to show it because he was afraid that it would only leave him breathless without Kihyun. He would keep his relationship as casual as possible. As a precaution. That if this relationship isn't going to work, he could still stand straight and strong. 

He sometimes wondered if Kihyun's feeling towards him as strong as what Hyunwoo felt about Kihyun. So strong that it could last forever or shatter them apart. He kept his distance a bit just to make sure he didn't fall too hard. 

" Hey, pretty," Hyunwoo replied with a teasing smile and tone. Kihyun would complain and complain about him being called "pretty". Hyunwoo only shrugged and said that it was the fact. Kihyun knew for sure that Hyunwoo is a type of guy who didn't like  to say sugar-coated words (he only did that when he wanted something from Kihyun). If he said Kihyun was pretty, he knew Hyunwoo meant it. One of many similarities they found each other.

Kihyun smiled wider. He usually whined if Hyunwoo teased him by nicknames. Pretty, Beautiful, Sugar, Sweety or Honey Pumpkin. Although after saying those nicknames Hyunwoo would make a disgusted look and acted as if he wanted to vomit. 

" Hey there, handsome." 

True. In Kihyun's eyes, Hyunwoo will always be the most handsome guy. Inside and outside. 

Kihyun walked closer and when he was in front of Hyunwoo, he pecked Hyunwoo's lips lightly. Hyunwoo looked up to him ( because he towered Hyunwoo due to Hyunwoo's position now where he was sitting in a wheelchair). 

" How are you?" Kihyun suddenly regretted what he had just said, Stupid. He muttered to himself inside.

Hyunwoo looked expressionless. Yet Kihyun could catch a glimpse of sadness spread in his face. " I am good. Generally good. Hey, how about you? You look ... " 

"Horrible?" Kihyun answered for himself.

Hyunwoo chuckled. " I was going to say you look good on that pink and yes, you look a little bit pale . Is that what you're feeling now?"

Kihyun blushed. He likes pink (secretly) and Hyunwoo likes to tease him whenever he wears something pink. He didn't say anything, just stroked Hyunwoo's hair gently.

" Let's take a walk?" Kihyun suggested.

Hyunwoo smiled and nodded. Kihyun averted his stare to Jooheon who just watched them silently with soft smile on his lips. "I'll be taking care him now."

Jooheon nodded. " Just text me anytime you need help. I will be around. " 

Due to some circumstances, Kihyun had saved Jooheon's personal number since Hyunwoo trusted him so well to take care of him when Kihyun's not around in the hospital. 

Kihyun nodded. After Jooheon left, he pushed the wheelchair softly. They were quiet. Kihyun took several glances down to Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo was quieter than usual. Kihyun would break their silences but he kept his words inside. For a moment, he would like to enjoy this silence while waiting for Hyunwoo to speak up.

" Let's just stop here." Hyunwoo said abruptly.

" Uh, oh, here, okey." Hyunwoo's words had managed to stop his mind from wandering and he made sudden stop. They stopped in the far side of garden where he could see pink cherry blossom trees around and a beautiful pond with stone bridge that crossed the pond.

" Ooh, nice spot you chose, Hyunwoo." Kihyun nudged Hyunwoo's arm lightly. 

Hyunwoo sighed. " No, Kihyun-ah. Let's stop here ... " His dark brown eyes seemed a bit watery now. But Kihyun who was infatuated with his surrounding didn't notice it. 

" Eh? We're here, Hyunwoo." Kihyun didn't understand what Hyunwoo meant which was clearly portrayed the way he sounded. He moved his position and now he was in front of Hyunwoo. "Hyunwoo?"

Hyunwoo closed his eyes. Tears rolled down to his cheek. "Let's stop now. Kihyun-ah. Let's not meet each other anymore."

" Just--leave me," Hyunwoo couldn't finish his words. It sounded so bitter. He couldn't even believe he had guts to say it.

Kihyun froze in his position. A flash of memory played like a silent movie in his head. The bitter fact and reality that suddenly appeared in their relationship. The reality he and Hyunwoo avoided to talk about for these past two weeks. 

The event happened exactly two and half weeks ago where Hyunwoo lost his best friend Jinyoung in a car accident. That night, Hyunwoo and Jinyoung had just celebrated Jinyoung's friend who got scholarship abroad. Hyunwoo made sure that he didn't drink too much because he is a responsible man who promised that he would deliver Jinyoung back to Jaebum safely ( Jinyoung's fiance and also happened to be Hyunwoo's close friend) and because he promised Kihyun to return home safely. They excused themselves from the party around 12 pm and Hyunwoo drove in medium speed. Said that they talked about their lives and future plans when suddenly a drunken and careless driver cut their way and made their car slipped. The impact shouldn't be too great because Hyunwoo drove in medium speed but another car who was speeding from other direction hit their car and made their car rolled over and over before it hit the electricity pole. 

That night, Hyunwoo lost his best friend. 

That night Hyunwoo was unconscious and didn't realize how Kihyun wailed and cried looking at his body. 

That night, Jaebum also wailed over his fiance's lifeless body in the hospital. 

Hyunwoo miraculously was alive yet in critical condition. After two days in comma, Hyunwoo woke up from his comma just to find that he had lost both of his legs on that accident. He was in shock for a day and refused to eat or talk. He cried silently even in his sleep. Kihyun's the one who could make him relax a bit. That day, that drunken and careless driver didn't only take a beloved person of Jaebum, he also took Hyunwoo's dreams and happiness. Two and a half weeks passed by and Hyunwoo still broke in tears and shock whenever he was feeling discouraged or hopeless on a simple task like going to bathroom by himself or just to move from his bed to sit up or when he remembered about his best friend Jinyoung who couldn't wed his fiance Jaebum.

Kihyun's life was revolved around his work office, hospital and home for those past weeks until now. He couldn't rest properly because every time he wanted to sleep, the only person who would fill his mind was Hyunwoo. Was he okay alone in his room or what Hyunwoo was doing or did he eat his meal regularly. Kihyun was missing him. Everyday when he slept at night, he hoped that Hyunwoo's arms would embrace him tightly just like usual or when he woke up, he hoped that it was Hyunwoo's smile that greeted him to start his day. Kihyun would break down alone in his bed, cried until his tears went dry and fell asleep exhaustedly.

"Kihyun-ah." Hyunwoo's voice took him back to reality. " Please just leave me. Don't waste your life for me. You deserve much more in this life ... " 

Kihyun tilted his head. " What do you mean? I don't deserve you? Hyunwoo, you're the LIFE that I want! " 

Hyunwoo looked in his eyes. He averted his eyes to the side, unable to keep looking into his lover's eyes. 

" Kihyun, I am not the person who I was. Right now, you only hurt yourself by loving me."

" You don't kow what you're talking about--" Kihyun's stubborn streak appeared. 

" I know dammit- I know what I'm talking about! Look at me! Look here! Here's why!" Hyunwoo snapped and pointed his amputated legs. Both of his legs were amputated from the toes until his knee. " Do you know huw hurt for me looking myself in the mirror now?! Look! I am a disabled man, Kihyun! Disabled! I am a half man and useless man! I can't even take a leak by myself! I can't---shit!" Hyunwoo cursed bitterly. He bit his lips to prevent him from crying. 

Kihyun kept silent. The rage and bitterness he could see  and feel from Hyunwoo's words echoed in his ears. He took a breath and said, "What do you want from me? Do you really want me to leave you?"

This time, Hyunwoo kept quiet. The sound of his raging breath filled the air and it felt like the only sound Kihyun could hear right now.  

"Hyunwoo, let me tell you something.  I knew this perfect man, once. " Kihyun smiled with tears brimmed in his eyes.

"The definition of what perfection in a man form can be. At least for me," Kihyun paused for a while, now staring at his hands. He took his hands and grabbed Hyunwoo's both hands in his hands, then he intertwined them together. He could hear the latter sighed softly. This little gesture was his and Hyunwoo's favorite gesture whenever they were dating or just alone in their home. It was like a simple way to say " I love you" in their own language. 

" I fall in love to a perfect man and we're not talking about man with perfect body and gosh, look at you! Look how perfect you are..." Kihyun stared into Hyunwoo's dark orbs with sincerity and love.

" I fall in love with his confidence yet shy character, his manly yet cute image, his smart head, his gentle nature, his brilliant and goofy humor, his warm and gentle heart, his--his everything." 

" Hyunwoo, that man is you. It's still you. That drunken bastard may have taken your legs but you're still you, the man whom I fall in love everyday with, so please. Please don't say something like that again ... don't tell me to leave you because of your body. I don't love you for your body, Hyunwoo. You have to no-no you need to know that I love you so much. You."

Saying the last sentence makes Kihyun sobbed. He sobbed in Hyunwoo's lap. He couldn't hide his inner thought again. There, he said it already. The fact that he loves Hyunwoo so much that he will be shattered in pieces if Hyunwoo ever leave him.

" I am madly, desperately, and truly in love with you, Hyunwoo. I am more than willing to spend all of my life just to make you happy. If I leave you, I will just spend my life in regret and tears, knowing that a day passed without you by my side. It is same as if you ask me to stop breathing, Hyunwoo." 

Kihyun lifted his head to stare to Hyunwoo. He cupped Hyunwoo's cheeks which were stained with tears now. " Don't ask me to leave you. You better ask me to die for you which I will do willingly, " Kihyun didn't have chance to finish his words when suddenly Hyunwoo kissed him as if to shut him up from saying another words. Kihyun melted in the kiss that he shared with Hyunwoo. The kiss was wet because his tears and Hyunwoo's tears mixed together with their lips. 

After a while, with forehead still leaning each other, Hyunwoo broke the kiss. " Don't say things like that. Nobody is supposed to die. Not Jinyoung, not you. No one. I am so sorry for saying those words, Kihyun-ah. I--I never knew how much you felt about me. I was so desperately in love with you but I have no right to keep you by my side especially after I--"

"--you are perfect to me, Hyunwoo. You still are. You're still you, Son Hyunwoo, my dream man. My lover, my everything. My love for you doesn't change a bit. Not yesterday, not now, not tomorrow. I am happy by your side. But the question now is, are you happy with me? Everyday spent with me? " Kihyun eyes glistened in tears. He looked deep inside Hyunwoo's eyes. Expecting something.

Hyunwoo caressed Kihyun's cheeks, his nose, and lips. His worry of being rejected had vanished. He was afraid that Kihyun would be ashamed of who he is now after both of his legs were amputated, now he was sure that Kihyun would never leave him for that. All that he was  looking now is this pretty face looking at him expectantly. He pecked again those rosy lips and whispered, "I am happy with you. Never a day I wish for someone else beside you, Kihyun-ah. I have loved and always love you yesterday, today and tomorrow."

Kihyun smiled, the one that could light the sky up in a second. "Hyunwoo," 

He closed his eyes in happiness which made Hyunwoo smiled gently and cupped both of Kihyun's cheeks, "Let's stay like this forever. Forever being in love ..."

Kihyun chuckled. "Yes, let's do that."

They shared a moment to stare to each other and then their lips were connected to each other in another sweet and long kiss as if it were to make up what they missed in those past weeks of bitterness, anger, sadness, and confusion.

The wind in spring season brought sweet fragrance of blossomed flowers all over them, as if it was carrying new hope for a couple who had gone through something terrible in their journey. A journey of understanding that true love would never only see physical things but what lies within.

And Kihyun found in Hyunwoo as Hyunwoo found in Kihyun.

 

~~THE END~~

**Author's Note:**

> Is it considered spamming posting more than one fan fiction in a day??  
> / sigh / Showki made me.  
> Blame them ...


End file.
